It's hard to say I love you with this gun in your mouth...

Thursday, November 17th.... Im out this bitch

.asfarasjersey. tagged my ass.
:so here are:
15 bangin' ass songs that I am on a regular basis listening to...



001. Darkest Hour - With a Thousand Words to say but One
002. Circa Survive - The Glorious Nosebleed
003. Funeral for a Friend - Hospitality
004. God Forbid - Network
005. Anapparatus - Scars of Seperation
006. Fall Out Boy - Chicago is so Two Years Ago
007. Between the Buried and Me - Backwards Marathon
008. John Mayer - Something's Missing
009. The Sound of Animals Fighting - Act II:All is Ash or The Light Shining Through It
010. Kanye West - Gold Digger
011. The Dillinger Escape Plan - Baby's First Coffin
012. Ion Dissonance - She's Styrchnine
013. Coheed & Cambria - Delerium Trigger
014. Emery - So I Could See My Breath
015. Blessing the Hogs - Botched Messiah

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. And then you do the same- PLEASE!

jeah... do it

So Erin and I went to Andy's house tonite to hang out. Andy's friend left his bass guitar here, and I had a lot of fun with that shit. I want a bass real bad now. lol

Andy and I played with some power heat and tried to light some shit on fire, then with our brilliant minds we decided to try and make a bomb! We googled how to make a bomb and found some good shit. But alas, we don't have any of the materials to make a good one... But one will be made soon, and it will be glorious!

I love blowing shit up!

So I ended up going to a show at the Emerson tonight.

Sinai Beach
The Agony Scene
Remembering Never
Throwdown

AND... I must say it was pretty fucking awesome. Remembering Never put on one of the best shows I've ever seen. FUCKING AWESOME! Great guys too, I talked to the guitarist for awhile. Great fucking live show! The Agony Scene was awesome as well, they sounded really good. Thouroughly enjoyable!

Sinai Beach... sucks...

And I only saw like the first song of Throwdown. By then I had moved to the back, and I couldn't hear shit, so we left. But they sounded good too. I'm sure if I was up front like before it would have been awesome. Jeah, it was awesome.

Remembering Never owns you all!!!!!

uhnnn jeah, goin...

Idonno man.... I just don't know...

Friday August 19
100 Demons
3 Inches Of Blood
A Wilhelm Scream
All That Remains
Alove For Enemies
Animosity
Architect
Arms Race
Betrayed
Buried Inside
Cannae
Chimaira
Converge
Cryptopsy
Curl Up And Die
Cursed
Dead To Fall
Demiricious
Donnybrook
Doomriders
Ed Gein
Embrace The End
Embrace Today
From A Second Story Window
Full Blown Chaos
Ghosts Of War
H20
Hatebreed
He Is Legend
If Hope Dies
Kids Like Us
The Killing
Killing Time
Madball
The Minor Times
The Misfits
Modern Life Is War
Nile
Nobody Left Behind
Nodes Of Ranvier
The Red Death
Rumpelstilskin Grinder
Scars Of Tomorrow
Seventh Star
Shattered Realm
Sick Of It All
Six Feet Under
Stemm
Suffocation
Summer's End
Sworn Enemy
This Is Hell
Turmoil
Unearth
The Warriors
Winter Solstice
With Honor
Zao

Saturday August 20
108
A Hero From A Thousand Paces
Above This Fire
Against Me!
The AKA's
Anorexic Beauty Queen
As Cities Burn
Backstabbers Inc.
Blacklisted
Bold
The Bouncing Souls
Boy Sets Fire
The Burning Season
Casey Jones
Champion
Classic Case
Coalesce
Dead Hearts
Ensign
Evergreen Terrace
Fall River
The Fire Still Burns
Fire When Ready
Glass And Ashes
Good Clean Fun
Gym Class Heroes
Hidden In Plain View
Hit The Lights
Houston Calls
Lifetime
Long Since Forgotten
Manntis
Marathon
MC Goldie Wilson
Mean Season
Mikoto
Misery Signals
Most Precious Blood
New Atlantic
None More Black
North Side Kings
One Dead Three Wounded
Outspoken
Over It
Paint It Black
Pig Destroyer
Planes Mistaken For Stars
Public Enemy
Ready Set Fail
The Receiving End Of Sirens
The Showdown
Smoke Or Fire
Society's Finest
Spitalfield
Strike Anywhere
Swarm Of The Lotus
Symphony In Peril
Terror
The Twilight Transmission
Underminded
The Unseen
Walk The Line
When Tigers Fight

Sunday August 21
A Murder Of Crows
The Acacia Strain
The Agony Scene
Anterrabae
Anti-Flag
As I Lay Dying
At All Cost
The Banner
The Beautiful Mistake
Bedlight For Blue Eyes
Between The Buried And Me
Between Walls
Bloodjinn
Bullet For My Valentine
Calico System
The Casualties
The Chariot
Cold War
Comeback Kid
Death Before Dishonor
Emery
The End
The Esoteric
FC Five
Final Word
From Autumn To Ashes
Haste The Day
Horse The Band
I Am Idaho
Ion Dissonance
It Dies Today
Kane Hodder
Killswitch Engage
Life In Pictures
Look What I Did
The Loved Ones
Nora
Norma Jean
Outbreak
Psyopus
Ramallah
The Red Chord
Remembering Never
Rise Against
Roses Are Red
Scary Kids Scaring Kids
The Secret
Silhouette
Silverstein
Sinai Beach
Since The Flood
Spitfire
Still Remains
Stray From The Path
Stretch Arm Strong
Suffocate Faster
Tension*
Throwdown
Today Is The Day
The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza
Triple Threat

......... GOD-DAMN

Tour has been going well so far. We've played 5 shows so far and they have all been pretty good, minus the first show in Ft. Wayne. So I guess it's only fitting to give you a rundown of each show...

Ft. Wayne - For some reason we always leave for shows super early, idonno why, it's cool to be early, but damn... We had some time to kill. A few local bands played, including Chinese Express. A band called Cipher, who is signed to Uprising Records played. They have a Candiria kind of sound. I liked them alot. That show for us was the worst so far on this tour. It was just terrible. We stayed at Austin and Chase's house from Chinese Express. Then we headed north...

Westland, Mich - Show at Club Triune, a big church in Westland. We played with Gwen Stacy. I thought they sounded pretty damn good. YOU LIAR.... YOU LIE! Jeah... Jeah.. You Know... The show went well. We couldn't find a place to stay so we drove to Battle Creek...

Battle Creek, Mich - BAD IDEA... lol. We got there at like 3 or 4 in the morning and then we just sat in front of the venue. It was so fucking hot. We we're all sweating like some bitches. The show there went ok, there wasn't a whole lot of people there, we had no crowd response what-so-ever, but in the words of Carl... "Hey... Screw it" We played with a really good poppy band called Karmeilas Game. They were really good, so sugary sticky sweet pop... It was almost sickening... lol... Like a new millenium Cyndi Lauper

Orland Park, Ill - It's always fun to play Jim's garage. There wasn't a whole lot of people there but it was still fun. Halfway through our set the power went out, which was fun. Eddie decided to tell a long pointless story to pass time... and it was....awesome. Power came back we finished and all was well.

So there's this place in Orland Park called Nonna's Pizza, and every Monday they have this challenge that if you can eat two of their slices of pizza in a half an hour or less you get a friggin sweet t-shirt. One slice of pizza is a fourth of a like a 20 inch large. The pizza was ridiculous. So I decided to give it a shot. It is ridiculous how much stress a fucking pizza can give one man... I was sweating like a little bitch, and panting... I smashed the first piece in like 6 minutes... the second one on the hand was the killer, I couldn't do... I was so ashamed... especially since Sam whos is litteraly half my size owned the pizza. But it's cool, I would have been pissed if I won because all I wanted was that tshirt... but all they had were Smalls and XXL. So fuck pizza! I looked like I gained 20 pounds. My stomach was sticking out like 2 inches farther then normal... bad news.. lol... I'm expecting twins

Milwaukee, WI - We met back up with Cipher here... they are some cool dudes! Great guys. There was a Halo tournament before the show... but we got owned in the first round... it killed my pride... lol. The show was alright, but there was some really big assholes that came to see Cipher. They are the kind of people that hardcore dance but intentionally kick people in the crowd and try to hurt people that came to see a rock show. So durring Cipher they started kicking people, and Justin and Jason grabbed the guy and told him to stop and their "brothers" got pissed off and a shoving match ensued. So Justing and Jason go outside and some of the guys follow. We make sure no fights or anything happen. We go back in.. and all is well. We start to play and we're having such a great time... Seriously it's the most fun I've ever had playing a show... it was just kick ass. We start A Texan Mistress... and the asshole guys start doing it again. Eddie yells at us to stop. We stop in the middle of a song... and Eddie fucking goes off on those assholes... and it was one of the most awesome things I've ever seen the whole crowd applauded and loved it. It was awesome.. I think we earned a bunch of respect for doing that. Some guy hopped on the mic and told the crowd we were his new favorite band... and that were a family, shit like that is stupid...and he was comparing us to 7 Angels 7 Plagues... which up here I guess is a good thing... Those guys left and the crowd applauded again.......

then Eddie puked... lol... Tuna and cheese is bad before a show. And my string broke... so I had to get another guitar and we finished the set and it was AMAZING!!! One of the best shows we've played in a while... just awesome...

Came over to Justin and Josh's house... and slept in the van outside, well they slept... I couldn;t fucking sleep... It was so godamn hot... There mom came out and told us we could go indide and it was glorious... it was so cold... I love it. We came down to the basement and fell asleep... I got to play with Sweaty's PSP and it's fucking awesome... I want one of those bitches. Now were getting some pizza.... It's fucking ridiculous how much pizza we've eaten so far on this tour... I think we've seriously had it once a day... DAMN!

Erin I love you! I hope you're feeling better today! I hope you had fun at Indiana Beach! I miss you and I LOVE YOU!!!!!

It fucking sucks when people that you thought you were cool with do something stupid that is so fucking disrespectful... to her and to me... He fucking knew that we are together... and he supposedly was my friend. FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU! You bastard piece of shit.

Pizza soon...

I love the feel of new socks....

Whilst cruising the internet, I stumbled across a few new kickass bands...

First - Job For A Cowboy - brutal death metal, hot shit... www.myspace.com/ajobforacowboy

Second - Whistlecore = fun.... www.purevolume.com/whistlecore

Third - Amity - good songs... www.myspace.com/amity

Good shit my friends, i'll never lead you astray...

I realized tonight that I am a complete and total asshole.

I don't say I Love You enough.
I don't spoil you the way I want too.
I can't support you like I want too.
You deserve someone that will be there all the time...
You deserve to have all the things you want...
I don't want to lie to you anymore... I won't...
I want to be there for you the way you are for me...


If that's what it takes to make you happy...

All I want is for you to be happy

...

I'm too goddamn passive

Going to my dad's later. That should be fun, I haven't seen him in awhile. Going to eat dinner and hang out, I'll get to see my sisters too. Today's been boring so far.

Played Halo for awhile and went on a 6 or 7 game winning streak, and then got my asshole ripped apart. Sucked.

...

I don't have a problem with you... I 'ran my mouth' because I heard you were... And what I heard that you said sounded like something you would say... I didn't come talk to you about it because I just didn't feel it was neccessary.

I'm sorry the band ended up feeling like a chore...

I just got pissed when I heard that...

So I woke up today and went to Erin's cousin's wedding. I felt horrible when I left cause I was wearing jeans and a polo shirt... when everyone else there had a tux or a suit or something. I have a suit it's just on the south-side of town... and I seem to have misplaced all my khaki pants... my bad...

Then while sitting through the service...er ceremony (lol) I realized that I also forgot to shave! So I looked fucking haggard as shit today... at a WEDDING!! Goddamnit I suck...

The ceremony was good just not my thing. They are catholic, so the whole ceremony felt like mass instead of a wedding. But at least the priest was cool. Erin was one of the bridesmaids and she was gorgeous! I rode there and sat with Erin's parents... the more I hang out with them, the more I start to like them... too bad they hate me...

The reception was fun... kinda long... I ended up sitting at the wedding party table wth Erin... so again I felt REALLY out of place... tuxes, dresses.... and my dirty jeans and unshaved face...

We came back home and went gorcery shopping and we got a whole bunch of goodies... Now Erin and I are watching The Day After Tomorrow.

My headache is coming back...

P.S. - Apparantly never is a promise is a shitty converge rip off, says ******

lol, whatever dude... say what you will to make your life a little happier now that "the weight is off your shoulders", glad it meant so much to you...

but you will be rolling in the money now so your life is a complete success now... right?!

good riddance you fucker

goodnight...

A new journal, and new start... lol. Maybe i'll update this one more often... I woke up this morning around 10, too early... my mouth is fucking killing me... I'm teething...lol.

I watched Hamlet earlier... the one with Mel Gibson... I forgot how awesome Shakespeare was. Good shit.

Yesterday was our first practice without Justin... It went ok. We'vegot a new song rolling wich is looking awesome. I was surprised at how easily he took it... it kinda bothered me... because he didn't fight it... Idonno...

Went out to eat at Union Jacks with Erin and her family last night. Was fun... I really like her family there fun. Then we went to Andy and Molly's and hung out for a little bit...

I'm watching Gattaca right now... it's very weird... I like it...

On a final side note: The new A Life Once Lost cd is fucking amazing, the best cd to come out in '05...

i need a cigarette...